Strikers News

October 19, 2013

You gotta love idioms. These little shortcuts to explaining things are sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered.

Case in point, the subject line: When Push, Comes to Shove.
Team Strikers pushed and shoved their way to a thrilling victory today. The only thing that didn't reflect our team dominance was the score, 3-1. (If you're thinking the League has suddenly changed their stance against reporting scores, think again. I've just learned to cut out the middle man and send everything straight to you... or, youse, if you're a New Yawker.)
Back to the pushing and shoving.
Team Strikers played about as clean a game as a team can in period one and Griffin Paulus made sure of that blasting two goals past their dumbfounded goalie. (Mr. Paulus? Nice call on buying those steel-toed Addias shoes.) But, then... then things turned rough. Beau Bacon, believing the game was going to be a laugher and potential waste of his valuable time, decided to leave the game about 20 minutes in. Not that I blame him, at all. I was thinking along the same train of thought at that moment, wondering why these kids even need a coach. But like I wrote, things got rough.
Team 14, never learned their actual name and it's taking a lot for me to not keep referring to them as Team Hooligans, went on a pushing and shoving spree. I've seen less shoving at the annual Running of the Brides at the Macy's bridal dress day. Those ladies, who some "luckly" men will have as wives (for 6 months max is my bet), look like kindly kindergarten teachers drying the salty tears from a lost child's cheeks.
Luckily, there are coaches involved in this sport, even if they're only Bob (presently being sued by both his son and Bob's Furniture for name infringement) and I. Now, to be SUPER clear, neither I nor Bob  (presently being sued by both his son and Bob's Furniture for name infringement) encouraged the same level of shoving as our kids received.
I'm not saying we told them to share hugs and well-wished either. We merely reminded Team Strikers that they too have arms and they're more than allowed to guard their personal space.
Well... apparently, Andy Zheng has A LOT of personal space. A wide arcing sphere of personal space that doesn't allow for foe OR friend to be within -as Landon will happily corroborate. Well, maybe not so happily, or even matter-of-factly. He's still getting the grit out of his teeth as I type this. I think I saw him swipe at an errant bird at one point. Like I wrote, he has a wide SPHERE of personal space.
As I'm sure you all witnessed, once Team Strikers adjusted to the brawling style of soccer play that used to pervade the beautiful game in the 80's (and mosh pits in the 90's), they looked good, very good. Ryan "Wild" West may have taking the pushing a little personal too, because he played about the most aggressive game I've seen from him yet. He wanted that ball badly, like Hooligan badly. Landon (Not that old guy Donovan) Lagana had a similar vibe going. If he wasn't racing down one of those Hoo- (Nope! Gonna control myself -even without the League watching, there's still the NSA to consider) those Team 14 cherubs, he was barreling through them in his "personal-space guarding" way. Landon was actually pretty ticked mid-way on. He said there was a lot of talk from the other team complaining about them. Being a coach, I told him, "It's okay. Just ignore them and play your game." Being his dad, I finished that baloney with, "Well? What are you going to do about it, son?" I think I made the right choice. Well, until the Mrs. reads this.
While I was turning a blind eye to of our player approaches, I was riveted by Kevin "Don't encroach on this" Roach, because clearly this young man is playing on another level than all of us. When we began the second half, Kevin lined up -not on our side- but on the opposing side. Stupid me kept telling him to cross over to where his teammates were not cluing in to the fact that Kevin's move was brilliant. We'd have a player lurking in their backfield before they even kicked off! Seriously though, Kevin busted up several advances and should feel good about his hustle.

Kavin "Dirty" Hari busted a few who-be rapscallions of his own. Kavin has really embraced his role as a fullback in recent games, and seems to enjoy popping the ball down field. So, bring your breakaway his way... he dares you... go ahead and make his day. Tom "not Tommy" & "DeMayo not DeMEEo" DeMeo, did what he's been doing all season. He smiled and played his role. You see, we began Saturday without a goalie. No one wanted to play when I asked. Well that lasted about 3 seconds because Tom smiled and shot his hand up. Demeo is okay-o in my book.
Speaking of okay, as in the O K corral, it was impossible to miss Andrew "Electric" Maglio and that because he was involved in pretty much every play with his blazing speed. I honestly believe I saw three of him at one point. My wife says I need to wear my glasses, but I'd rather believe I see three Andrews. Makes me feel safer as a coach.
We end this review of Team Strikers with on the loveliest of notes... with Keziah Rodriguez. Keziah had me laughing pretty good when she came off the field in the middle of quarter three. She sat down, took a drink, and then (with her legs crossed and a check on her hair) she informed me that the other team was "doing a lot of talking." That was it, "they're doing a lot of talking" as if to say, "Oh, you know how boys are coach. I'll pay them no mind and they'll go away. Pretty funny.
Ok, big game next week. HUGE! We play a team that is unbeaten. I know this because Bob has been playing hookey that few weeks and scouting other teams for us. Well that and parents from the other team came over to tell me they were undefeated and looking to play us next week. The audacity! Lucky for them we're good friends. Otherwise I could see myself marking out my "personal space" Andy-style. (Cue gangnam style music.)
So, we need several things to happen this week. Rest the players. Buy some brass knuckles (I believe Dick's has them in children's sizes), and send the Hellers every text, email, beeper call, and Morse-code message you can to have them let Sam come and play with us. Please do not call them directly, that would be rude.
OK, I'm off to celebrate my 43 anniversary with my lovely wife. I know, I know. I look old but not THAT old. Well my wife and I don't celebrate the chronological time of our anniversary. We celebrate how long it feels to us. 43 and counting.

 October 5, 2013

Well, what a surprise I had this Saturday afternoon. Who'd have expected the League to methodically strike through so much of my content. The redacted copy is preserved below for future generations of coaches to see and wonder if volunteering is really worth the effort. 

First though, the NON-Redacted or original copy you were meant to get.

NON- Redacted Copy
Document Item: 5-R.L.J.-WHVC & BIGPIA
Date:  5, October 2013
Longitude & Latitude / Attitude:  41.7678° N, 72.7539° W/ smart-donkey
Military Time
: 15:21:01 EST

Members in Attendance:            
Board of Directors Officers
Name

President
Mario Gilardini

Executive Co-Vice President
Ed Perkins

Executive Co-Vice President
David Heintz

Treasurer
Ethan Goldman

Equipment Supervisor
Jeff Wittstein

Senior Division Supervisor
David Heintz

Junior Division Supervisor
Marc Champagne

Mites Division Supervisor
Jennifer Trent

Training Division Supervisor
Carolyn Martindale

Travel Division Co-Supervisor
John Monnes

Travel Division Co-Supervisor
Steve Stokoe

Referee Supervisor
Mario Gilardini

Corporation Secretary
Dean Cordiano

Publicist
Jonathan Blaine

Webmaster
Ed Espinal

                                                               
Hello Strikers Parents, Relatives, Family Pets, Friends, Friends of Friends, and ever-watchful West Hartford Youth Soccer Board of Directors!

A Matter of Perspective.
Perspective is both important and, as I’ll demonstrate, highly subjective. 

From the WHYSA standpoint, our zero-zero draw was about as perfect as it can get. It truly was “the beautiful game”. 

Zero-zero meant that a modest amount of cheering was allowed to occur, with no one side ever reaching a frenzied period of celebration.  Zero-zero also meant that none of the spectators were able to leave the field feeling overly-satisfied, one might even say, smug. Instead, parents and coaches left the field with that perfect balance of bewilderment and semi-satisfaction. 

This is the soccer sweet spot for WHYSA because it’s the point where parents have to walk away smiling and nodding politely to each other, and then somehow wait until they’ve reached the privacy of their cars before beginning their one-sided conversation to their captive children about how they’d actually won the game. “Could the refereeing be any more terrible? I mean who in their right minds would entrust games as important as these to high school kids? Kids! You know, honey, you’d have easily won if your coach had a clue -a tiny sliver of a clue- as to what he was doing. He thinks because he yells all game he’s a good coach. Well, your father yells all day and I hardly listen to him at all. Oh honey, your talent is being wasted on this team. I might have to Tweet your ‘coach’ and tell him in 140 characters or less to stop subbing for you, let you roam the field as you will, and provide additional private lessons that build on your precious gifts. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. Where’s my phone? -Oh, and did you see the sky? It was silver-gray, almost Atlantic Shoreline gray, just like the soccer ball. How are we supposed to play in those dreadful conditions? No wonder no one scored. Would it have been that hard to use a different colored ball? Say, Sunflower-yellow or Blueback off-white, or own of the other Town Council approved contrast colors? Next year, Mommy is going to petition the league for multiple colored balls to work in contrast to every potential shade of sky. I swear…” And on it goes, dependent upon how far from the field one lives. 

From the Strikers standpoint, which includes, of course, parents, coaches, kids, sponsors, and a burgeoning Twitter following, the “beautiful game” ended up with a black eye.
Who wants to rise early on an overcast Saturday, deal with wet feet, watch a mad strangle of bodies stay locked in the middle of field, and have nothing to Tweet or even Facebook about? And that was only the coaches’ side of things. Coach Roach (trademark in limbo because of the government shutdown) and I watched as parent after parent, on both sides of the field, looked to the skies for Divine intervention when their phones died because they’d kept them running so long waiting to report something, anything. Anything that is but zero-zero. Zero-zero means nothing, announcing zero-zero is the quickest way to lose followers. Seriously, post that you were at a game that ended zero-zero and you can watch your Klout score drop faster than the market these days. 

So, the events of the game will have to stick with us, the same way a Charleston Chew sticks to your teeth or Ruby to your hip, uncomfortably and for a good long while.
See? All things really are about perspective. 

Now, because the WHYSA doesn’t report the games, it’s left to me and my highly-questionable perspective to do so. History abhors a vacuum –even if it must record that nothing worth knowing happened. If you need to clean your house, mow the lawn, or deal with your in-laws, now would be the time to do this. Only the biggest of martyrs will want to keep reading about a game in which nothing occurred.

The Strikers met team Mavericks on overcast Saturday morning. 

Team Strikers began the game quickly, flashing about the field like hot metal flecks in their silver-colored uniforms. The problem was that their silver uniforms were pretty darned close in color to the sea-spray green jerseys that Team Mavericks wore.  (I’m embarrassed to admit that I really don’t know if they wore sea-spray green or sea-foam green. I know, I know. I live in West Hartford; I should know the difference! My wife keeps threatening me with a color-pallete intervention if I don’t start showing I know this stuff. In any event…) As if having two near identical colors traipsing up and down the field wasn’t confusion enough, we (read as: the other coaches) decided we’d add even more bodies to the mix. Why play a muddled mess of 6 on 6 when you can play 7 on 7 and ensure that the ball never leaves the center circle? I mean, what fun, right?!? 

I exaggerate, of course, because on a few occasions the colossal clump known as our children did untangle juuuusssssst enough for a player to move toward the hoped for end of the field. Landon L. -I think, hard to tell with the jersey colors- flushed himself free for several hard strikes on goal. If the opposing goalie, who in the first quarter wore the exact same jersey as his teammates (no lie), didn’t stop the shot, the clearly-paid-off post did. I’d never have guessed in a lifetime of guesses that a post measuring an inch across and nearly entirely round could be hit so squarely not once, not twice, but thrice! I’ll go to bed tonight with that metal pinging sound running though my head –ping, ping! –PING! Well that and images of our wonderful, accepting, wholesome, salt-of-the-Earth moms losing it when a well-meaning coach from the opposing team tried to provide some direction to his players from behind the net. I never understood the term bloodlust, not really, until that moment. But hey, I get it. Who was he to even think to provide some direction to his wide-eyed, 9-year-old goalie? The kid should know what to do by now in his soccer career. And, if he doesn’t, well that’s just too bad. (BTW, the coach was really, truly apologetic about what’d happened. Really. He felt terrible. I of course did my part and told him, “Dude, step away from me -like right now If my parents even think I’m engaging you in a conciliatory way, I don’t leave here alive. Go. NOW!” Or something like that.)

Griffin P also had his share of near-miss shots. When he finally pounded one straight on net, well wouldn’t you know it, the goalie was standing right in the way. He wasn’t ready for it or anything, but that doesn’t mean a thing at this level, because the ball always seems to ricochet away on contact. Actually, it got so hard to watch our close calls that I turned to Coach Roach (trademark in limbo because of government shutdown) and lamented how all would have been different if we’d only moved the posts one inch this way or an inch that way. We’ll be petitioning the League first thing Monday on this matter, building our case that we should have two goals credited to us because in fact, we’d set our net up an inch off center.  Don’t worry. I’m sending Bob in to appeal. I know my name is mud. 

Well, when our hearts weren’t being ripped from our chest cavities and being slammed against the Goalposts of Cruelty, we managed to do some good things.  Kevin R. (quietly pleased by the government shutdown which is providing him and his team of lawyers time to plan his infringement suit against his dad) Kavin H., and Tommy D. were absolute rocks on defense. Team Mavericks, kept trying to score on us and could not. Frankly I’m shocked the League lets them keep the name Mavericks as it’s synonymous with being non-conformists; and further, as their name implies, rather than playing the game strictly to a 0-0 draw, they kept trying to score. Also in the mix as a defensive stalwart was Andy Z whose economical movement confounded the path of the ball by opposing players.
Ryan W. played several positions in the game, easily moving from middle, to goalie, to fullback, and striker. You can’t ask any more of a player. (Ryan’s birthday is tomorrow. He turns 9. Bob and I learned this amid scrambling to send in subs. See? The kids don’t care about the score. They care about their birthday. And who can blame them?) Andrew M, who was so prepared for the game that he came to it with his shirt pre-dirtied, did his usual: he looked like a natural in net, playing high in the box and seriously scaring off one opponent’s shot in the first half. Because Andrew was up top, our opponent was forced to either kick right to him or try to take a hard angle past Andrew. He chose the latter and the ball went well-wide. That’s advanced goalie stuff.

Beau B took his turn in the shirt-beyond-the-knees look and saw all of one “shot” come his way. Clearly bored, he held onto the ball for a few minutes before punting it away. Clearly he suspected it t’weren’t coming his way ever again. 

Offensively, we did the best we could while battlin’ the Colossal Clump. Kesiah R, sporting a fashionable Lilly-white headband (Did I get that right? I wanted to say it was Styro-foam white but that doesn’t seem like a WH color), played wonderful heads up soccer, running into openings, tracing after loose kicks, and working to pull the ball into her command position at all times. Unfortunately, Team Strikers never quite capitalized on things.
In all seriousness, may have been one of the most fun draws I’ve ever watched. The team really was defensively solid. We witnessed unbelievable hustle on every play and the kids clamped down on the Maverick’s throw-ins. You can literally see the kids playing more like a team each week. Good stuff. Both sides had a lot to be proud of.

Now… pretending I’m in my car and you all just happen to be in the back seat of my car right now, I want to say, privately, “We won the game.”


Redacted Copy

Document Item: 5-R.L.J.-WHVC & BIGPIA
Date:  5, October 2013
Longitude & Latitude / Attitude:  41.7678° N, 72.7539° W/ smart-donkey
Military Time
: 15:21:01 EST
Members in Attendance:            
Board of Directors Officers
Name

President
Mario Gilardini

Executive Co-Vice President
Ed Perkins

Executive Co-Vice President
David Heintz

Treasurer
Ethan Goldman

Equipment Supervisor
Jeff Wittstein

Senior Division Supervisor
David Heintz

Junior Division Supervisor
Marc Champagne

Mites Division Supervisor
Jennifer Trent

Training Division Supervisor
Carolyn Martindale

Travel Division Co-Supervisor
John Monnes

Travel Division Co-Supervisor
Steve Stokoe

Referee Supervisor
Mario Gilardini

Corporation Secretary
Dean Cordiano

Publicist
Jonathan Blaine

Webmaster
Ed Espinal

                                                               
Hello Strikers Parents, Relatives, Family Pets, Friends, Friends of Friends, and ever-watchful West Hartford Youth Soccer Board of Directors!
A Matter of Perspective.
Perspective is both important and, as I’ll demonstrate, highly subjective.
From the WHYSA standpoint, our zero-zero draw was about as perfect as it can get. It truly was “the beautiful game”.
Zero-zero meant that a modest amount of cheering was allowed to occur, with no one side ever reaching a frenzied period of celebration.  Zero-zero also meant that none of the spectators were able to leave the field feeling overly-satisfied, one might even say, smug. Instead, parents and coaches left the field with that perfect balance of bewilderment and semi-satisfaction.
This is the soccer sweet spot for WHYSA because it’s the point where parents have to walk away smiling and nodding politely to each other, and then somehow wait until they’ve reached the privacy of their cars before beginning their one-sided conversation to their captive children about how they’d actually won the game. “Could the refereeing be any more terrible? I mean who in their right minds would entrust games as important as these to high school kids? Kids! You know, honey, you’d have easily won if your coach had a clue -a tiny sliver of a clue- as to what he was doing. He thinks because he yells all game he’s a good coach. Well, your father yells all day and I hardly listen to him at all. Oh honey, your talent is being wasted on this team. I might have to Tweet your ‘coach’ and tell him in 140 characters or less to stop subbing for you, let you roam the field as you will, and provide additional private lessons that build on your precious gifts. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. Where’s my phone? -Oh, and did you see the sky? It was silver-gray, almost Atlantic Shoreline gray, just like the soccer ball. How are we supposed to play in those dreadful conditions? No wonder no one scored. Would it have been that hard to use a different colored ball? Say, Sunflower-yellow or Blueback off-white, or own of the other Town Council approved contrast colors? Next year, Mommy is going to petition the league for multiple colored balls to work in contrast to every potential shade of sky. I swear…” And on it goes, dependent upon how far from the field one lives.
From the Strikers standpoint, which includes, of course, parents, coaches, kids, sponsors, and a burgeoning Twitter following, the “beautiful game” ended up with a black eye.
Who wants to rise early on an overcast Saturday, deal with wet feet, watch a mad strangle of bodies stay locked in the middle of field, and have nothing to Tweet or even Facebook about? And that was only the coaches’ side of things. Coach Roach (trademark in limbo because of the government shutdown) and I watched as parent after parent, on both sides of the field, looked to the skies for Divine intervention when their phones died because they’d kept them running so long waiting to report something, anything. Anything that is but zero-zero. Zero-zero means nothing, announcing zero-zero is the quickest way to lose followers. Seriously, post that you were at a game that ended zero-zero and you can watch your Klout score drop faster than the market these days.
So, the events of the game will have to stick with us, the same way a Charleston Chew sticks to your teeth or Ruby to your hip, uncomfortably and for a good long while.
See? All things really are about perspective.
Now, because the WHYSA doesn’t report the games, it’s left to me and my highly-questionable perspective to do so. History abhors a vacuum –even if it must record that nothing worth knowing happened. If you need to clean your house, mow the lawn, or deal with your in-laws, now would be the time to do this. Only the biggest of martyrs will want to keep reading about a game in which nothing occurred.
The Strikers met team Mavericks on overcast Saturday morning.
Team Strikers began the game quickly, flashing about the field like hot metal flecks in their silver-colored uniforms. The problem was that their silver uniforms were pretty darned close in color to the sea-spray green jerseys that Team Mavericks wore.  (I’m embarrassed to admit that I really don’t know if they wore sea-spray green or sea-foam green. I know, I know. I live in West Hartford; I should know the difference! My wife keeps threatening me with a color-pallete intervention if I don’t start showing I know this stuff. In any event…) As if having two near identical colors traipsing up and down the field wasn’t confusion enough, we (read as: the other coaches) decided we’d add even more bodies to the mix. Why play a muddled mess of 6 on 6 when you can play 7 on 7 and ensure that the ball never leaves the center circle? I mean, what fun, right?!?
I exaggerate, of course, because on a few occasions the colossal clump known as our children did untangle juuuusssssst enough for a player to move toward the hoped for end of the field. Landon L. -I think, hard to tell with the jersey colors- flushed himself free for several hard strikes on goal. If the opposing goalie, who in the first quarter wore the exact same jersey as his teammates (no lie), didn’t stop the shot, the clearly-paid-off post did. I’d never have guessed in a lifetime of guesses that a post measuring an inch across and nearly entirely round could be hit so squarely not once, not twice, but thrice! I’ll go to bed tonight with that metal pinging sound running though my head –ping, ping! –PING! Well that and images of our wonderful, accepting, wholesome, salt-of-the-Earth moms losing it when a well-meaning coach from the opposing team tried to provide some direction to his players from behind the net. I never understood the term bloodlust, not really, until that moment. But hey, I get it. Who was he to even think to provide some direction to his wide-eyed, 9-year-old goalie? The kid should know what to do by now in his soccer career. And, if he doesn’t, well that’s just too bad. (BTW, the coach was really, truly apologetic about what’d happened. Really. He felt terrible. I of course did my part and told him, “Dude, step away from me -like right now If my parents even think I’m engaging you in a conciliatory way, I don’t leave here alive. Go. NOW!” Or something like that.)
Griffin P also had his share of near-miss shots. When he finally pounded one straight on net, well wouldn’t you know it, the goalie was standing right in the way. He wasn’t ready for it or anything, but that doesn’t mean a thing at this level, because the ball always seems to ricochet away on contact. Actually, it got so hard to watch our close calls that I turned to Coach Roach (trademark in limbo because of government shutdown) and lamented how all would have been different if we’d only moved the posts one inch this way or an inch that way. We’ll be petitioning the League first thing Monday on this matter, building our case that we should have two goals credited to us because in fact, we’d set our net up an inch off center.  Don’t worry. I’m sending Bob in to appeal. I know my name is mud.
Well, when our hearts weren’t being ripped from our chest cavities and being slammed against the Goalposts of Cruelty, we managed to do some good things.  Kevin R. (quietly pleased by the government shutdown which is providing him and his team of lawyers time to plan his infringement suit against his dad) Kavin H., and Tommy D. were absolute rocks on defense. Team Mavericks, kept trying to score on us and could not. Frankly I’m shocked the League lets them keep the name Mavericks as it’s synonymous with being non-conformists; and further, as their name implies, rather than playing the game strictly to a 0-0 draw, they kept trying to score. Also in the mix as a defensive stalwart was Andy Z whose economical movement confounded the path of the ball by opposing players.
Ryan W. played several positions in the game, easily moving from middle, to goalie, to fullback, and striker. You can’t ask any more of a player. (Ryan’s birthday is tomorrow. He turns 9. Bob and I learned this amid scrambling to send in subs. See? The kids don’t care about the score. They care about their birthday. And who can blame them?) Andrew M, who was so prepared for the game that he came to it with his shirt pre-dirtied, did his usual: he looked like a natural in net, playing high in the box and seriously scaring off one opponent’s shot in the first half. Because Andrew was up top, our opponent was forced to either kick right to him or try to take a hard angle past Andrew. He chose the latter and the ball went well-wide. That’s advanced goalie stuff.
Beau B took his turn in the shirt-beyond-the-knees look and saw all of one “shot” come his way. Clearly bored, he held onto the ball for a few minutes before punting it away. Clearly he suspected it t’weren’t coming his way ever again.
Offensively, we did the best we could while battlin’ the Colossal Clump. Kesiah R, sporting a fashionable Lilly-white headband (Did I get that right? I wanted to say it was Styro-foam white but that doesn’t seem like a WH color), played wonderful heads up soccer, running into openings, tracing after loose kicks, and working to pull the ball into her command position at all times. Unfortunately, Team Strikers never quite capitalized on things.
In all seriousness, may have been one of the most fun draws I’ve ever watched. The team really was defensively solid. We witnessed unbelievable hustle on every play and the kids clamped down on the Maverick’s throw-ins. You can literally see the kids playing more like a team each week. Good stuff. Both sides had a lot to be proud of.
Now… pretending I’m in my car and you all just happen to be in the back seat of my car right now, I want to say, privately, “We won the game.

September 28, 2013

We've Got Ruby
by the.laganas@gmail.com posted 09/28/2013

Welcome to the weirdest Strikers Report yet.

A non-sequitur to begin: In French, the word for goal is “but”. So, if you’ve scored a goal in France, you’re allowed to say you “kicked but.” End of non-sequitur, but (the American version of but) keep this bit of nonsense in the back of your head for later.

I received notice from the League that game goals are not to be reported, referred to, acknowledged, or even mentally kept. The joke is somewhat on them as I can hardly recall what I ate this morning. This information, the not keeping score information, would have been fabulous news to have had prior to our previous game when something happened that we didn’t like. (Wish I could be more specific, but the League forbids this.)

Getting the news that we can’t report goals this week? Well, it really is less than ideal.

You’re probably wondering why that is, wondering why being unable to report the final tally in terms of made goals for-and-against is so, so, soooo disappointing this week. Well, my apologies, but I can’t tell you.

I can’t even wink this to you, sign language it (probably good because I only know a few hand signs), or innocently leave behind a coded note.

Certainly, I’m dying to tell you of course, but I cannot. I’m not allowed. You see, this isn’t your average ban on reporting scores. The League has established real consequences for uttering anything about the final score. I know you think I’m kidding, but buried way down in the fine print of the League Charter is this:

Reporting the final score will result in all of the following reprimands against your person:

·         a League fine leveled against the coach, i.e. you, for reporting the outcome. Fines can be as large as 1,250 rupies. (Normally I’d scoff at something like this, but I don’t know the conversion rate for rupies to American dollars; so 1,250 anythings, by default, becomes beyond my means.)
·         being stripped of your “volunteer” title as a coach and being demoted to “permanent” coach. This means even as your sons and daughters move up the ranks, graduate college, marry, and frolic, you will continue to coach the Mites until you either perish or can buy your way out. (Visit Bankrate.com for the best large loan/mortgage deals around.)
·         spending one hour a day with the Paulus’ dog, Ruby. (Ruby is mostly a wonderful dog, but she’s also a lot like that nosy neighbor of yours --always sticking her nose where you absolutely don’t want it. I wish I could say where that is, but –you got it- the League forbids this.)

In the interest of fairness, I’ll note here and now that I was reading the fine print without my reading glasses and it’s possible, but only just possible, that I misread things.

And so…

And do, we are left to speak about all things having nothing to do with goals or scores.

There’s passing: Coach Roach (TM application temporarily denied because a clerk filed it under “cockroach”.) and I witnessed a lot of excellent passing. Kavin H. and Landon L. did more fine-footed passing at this morning’s game than most NASCAR drivers do in a season of racing. We were so pleased with their continual looks for lanes to pass in that we’re seriously considering opening the doors to sponsorship. Don’t be surprised if you see some new decals on the teams’ shorts and shirts next week. I’m reaching out to the makers of Rainbow Loom, the Bowlers Association of America (Strikers’ sister-club. You can get merch here: http://www.strikers.biz. Visa, PayPal, and Talcum Powder accepted), and Band-Aid (if you’ve seen how rusty the medical scissors are in our First Aid kit, you’ll understand why it’s imperative we land this sponsorship.)

There’s fancy footwork: Griffin P. used the ball of his foot to pull the ball back to him so many times, I began to wonder if he might actually be listening to me at practices. But, ah, no. Not the case. “YouTube, Coach,” was what he told me. Kevin R. (Who’s in a legal battle with his father for name infringement) made a name for himself by running hard, putting his body into the scrum, and making it very difficult for me to substitute anyone in for him.

There’s Defense: Hoo-boy did we see some stellar defense against Team Lightening, those fine kiddoes in yellow. Ryan W. patrolled the area behind our defense, rejecting several kicks from the Yellow Team with aplomb. Ryan is one of the few kids who can make having a shirt go past your knees look totally boss. (Sorry, I’m a product of the 80’s, even though I love the 70’s, man.) Tom “Don’t-Dare-Call-Me-Tommy” D. swooped in several times to sweep away those pesky Lightening breakaways. When he came off the field and I asked him why he kept booting the ball so hard down the field, Tom said, “Coach, finesse work is nice in all, but my job is to clean, as quickly as possible, the mess your coaching leaves our team in.”

There’s positioning: Kesiah R. and Andrew M. demonstrated a natural knack for knowing where to be when the ball wasn’t at the end of their feet. This is a huge developmental step for any player. Kesiah R. motored her way into striking positions several times each quarter. One of these games, we’re going to put the ball there with her too. Then we’ll all be able to sit back and watch her sco- WHOA! I almost wrote the wrong thing there. That’s a no-no. Let’s just say that next time we’ll all get to see her kick but. (See beginning of post for the double meaning. Not trying to offend you intelligence either, because even I had to refer back to the non-sequitur to get my meaning.) Andrew M. took his cerebral understanding of the game into orbit too. He continually positioned himself in the best spot to defend our net from… from… having things pass by him. Sorry, best I can do. I’m terrified of Ruby, rupies, and permanent coaching!

Kickin buts: Four times Coach Roach (TM application temporarily denied because a clerk filed it under “cockroach”.) and I watched as our Striker front line burst through a veritable wall of yellow jerseys to strike toward the opposing net. When they got within range of their final opponent, who’s… let’s just say -allowed to use his hands, we kicked French but. This isn’t to take anything away from Team Lightening. As I recall they too kicked but; and one of those was even intentional.

On the serious side: Fun day on the field and it had nothing to do with the score. Bob and I are enjoying seeing the development of the kids as each game passes. Running, running, and more running has been the order of the day and the kids have served it up well. I was winded just watching them. (Course, maybe if I shut up for 2 minutes, I’d breathe more easily too.) Spacing has gotten better, as has knowing where to be and keeping one’s head up to pass. If we’re not careful, we may end up with a squad so good the League will be forced to disassemble it in the off-season. I liked to see them try that though. They may have rules and common sense, but we’ve got Ruby.

September 21, 2013

A New Experience
by Coach Lagana posted 09/21/2013

New Experiences…

People are always telling me that new experiences are great; and, because I generally don’t like to argue with people, I nod and say, “Yeah, new experiences are indeed great.” The thing of it is that a statement like new experiences are great is a rather broad generalization because it suggests that every new experience is fantastic.

Well, this morning, I experienced something new and I’m here to tell you –new or not- it wasn’t a great feeling.

Apparently Team Strikers did this thing called “losing a game”.

You see, when the other team scores more points, in this case “goals”, than your team, it’s deemed a loss.  It means you don’t get to cheer as loudly as the other side, you don’t get to brag too much, and the expectation is that very few player endorsements or TV contracts will come your way.

In essence, it’s a stinky experience.

(BTW, I looked all of this up on Wikipedia; so I’m pretty sure it’s accurate. Although, there was one of those yellow banners noting that part of the explanation for how wins and losses are determined was under dispute. So, who knows? Maybe we’ll find out, upon review, that we actually won the game.  Until that time, I’ll share what I saw. Man, this is one of those rare times I actually wish I had cataracts.)

The game began on the wrong foot, with team blue (no name given, which is good because I’d just be looking for ways to poke fun of it) sending a low shot into the back of our net. Initially I believed there to be a mistake, that the sunlight had somehow warped across my sunglasses incorrectly and provided me with the wrong image. Coach Roach (trademark pending) pointed out that I entirely wrong. Team Blue was in the lead. While I reached out to hold off my extreme vertigo, Landon “Not to be confused with Donovan” L punched a low goal of his own into the net. Suddenly the score was level, as was my balance.

That lasted all of two minutes as BAM-BAM two more Blue Team goals found their slippery way into our goal. We’d not even cleared the first quarter and it was 1-3. Thankfully, Bob was there. With him standing next to me, it prevented me from falling to my knees, bursting into tears, and giving up. You see, a man simply doesn’t do that in front of another man. Well… unless he’s been told his wife “accidentally” threw out his favorite knock-around shirt or he’s over 45 and learned he’s a dad again. Those are the only two exceptions.

Where was I…?

Right. The new experience of losing a game. Yuck.

To our young team’s credit, though down a few points, they managed to tighten some things up to end the half. Keziah R found herself frequently cleaning up one of her teammates gaffes, just getting enough of her foot on the ball to stop the opponent’s attack. Keziah played admirably for her first game. Griffin P, Kevin R, and Kavin H also stepped up their defensive postures, running into the thick of what was a very dense Blue cloud of players.

Our second quarter efforts produced several opportunities for us to score. Ryan W, who played a lot of right striker, has clearly been listening during practices, as he made repeated efforts to run up his side of the field whenever a teammate was on the move up the middle.

 In all, our Strikers ran hard enough to tighten the game up with Landon L hitting a left-footed shot into the upper 90. (Yeah, that’s cool soccer lingo for the top corner of the net. Try it sometime around a bunch of soccer players and watch them stare at you in awe. Or so I guess.) With just a better touch pass or two, the half could have easily ended tied.

When the second half kicked off, we looked a lot stronger. Tom D and Beau B put their tails into high gear for a large portion of the third quarter, and with Griffin P moving from defense to offense in bursts, we had a lot of chances fall in front of us to score. Unfortunately, again, there was that Blue Cloud of players clogging the middle. Team Blue seemed to have six people on the field at times. (Bob kept telling me it wasn’t the case and that maybe I should sit on the bench for a second and breathe a little more deeply. When he wasn’t directing me to sit, he was grabbing me by my shoulders and yelling what should have been obvious to me: “It’s just a game, Man! A game!”)

Speaking of the game…

Andrew M, for the second game, showed that he’s a true team player. He willingly took any role I assigned to him. When I asked him to play in the net, he did. When asked him to run more, he did. When told to kick the ball to the nearest sideline on a goal kick, he did that very thing. How awesome is that? Next week, I may ask him to take over coaching duties. Coach Andrew… Yeah, sounds nice.

The surprise play of the game however came not on the field but off of it.

Andy Z appeared on the sidelines to start the fourth quarter. There again was a new experience for me – a player magically appearing in the fourth quarter, fresh, and ready to play. Coach Roach (trademark pending… you know how slow the government is to grant anything) had a good laugh when Andy showed up, because I did a massive double-take. My head snapped back and forth as I thought, HOLEY MOLEY! How did I miss this kid for three quarters! Losing my own kids is one thing…there’s a precedence for that, but someone else’s? So not cool. As if reading my mind, Bob smiled, and allayed my worries letting me know Andy hadn’t in fact been on the bench for three quarters. He’d just arrived. Phew.

With some seriousness: Though we did lose, I saw some good things happening on the field of play. There were some very fine runs to the net when we were on offense. Ryan W really exemplified this. I also noticed that when I yelled, “To the net!” more than a few of our children knew what they meant and acted accordingly. Throw-ins looked MUCH better too. MUCH.  “Down the line!” is another staple phrase I’m sure you heard often. In fact, unless my voice was bouncing off the back wooded area and is in fact a very high falsetto, I know I heard a few of the moms giving the same advice to the players when they were on the sideline closest to them. Spacing continues to be an issue, but it’s natural. In fact, there were times when our spacing hurt us because Team Blue Cloud made very good Jersey barrier impersonations. We could also benefit from learning to turn the ball away from the center. That’s all on me though. I’ve not really taught this yet. Some things have to be shown apparently, as my yelling isn’t enough.

Despite the loss (still waiting on Wikipedia) I've got this feeling we're going to see some excellent growth in this team over the next few weeks. The kids really are trying to implement what they've been shown at practices, and we can't ask for anything more.

We’re scheduled for two practices this week, Thursday and Friday. Both at 5 PM. I love seeing the kids both days whenever possible. It’s been a huge help in developing their understanding of the game. Still, no pressure. I know everyone is swamped with commitments.

Coach Lagana

September 7, 2013

Striking First!
by the.laganas@gmail.com posted 09/07/2013

After consulting my accountant, I’ve been informed that Team Strikers is officially 1-0, winning 4-3. Better yet, because we won’t have another game for two weeks, both the boys and the parents can brag for days about being undefeated to family, friends, and people you just kinda wanna irk a little.

The boys were a pleasant surprise to begin the game, planting two solid shots into the back of the net early on. Griffin Paulus, with his cannon foot, made both Coach Roach (trademark pending) and I look like we knew what we were doing.

But, as they say, it’s a team sport and we certainly saw evidence of that as Kavin Harry and Kevin Roach seemed to be in the right place at the right time whenever Team Phoenix (the boys in red) thought they might have a lane to our net. This made Beau Bacon’s biggest challenge trying to remain awake during the opening quarter. Worried he would fall asleep, we decided to put Beau into the field and let him wreak havoc on Team Red while shifting the capable Ryan West into the vacated spot. [Side note: Ryan West defined taking one for the team when ball met gut. BUT like a true Silver Striker he asked to return to the game earlier than either Coach Roach (trademark pending) or I had planned because he wanted to strike back.]

While on the topic of guts and goalies, many manly knuckle crunches goes to Andrew Maglio who played aggressively in net. Time and time again, Andrew played high in the box cutting off angles for shots or forcing the opponent to shoot from far away. Without his keen positioning, the outcome might have been something much worse. Ryan West also gets a hat tip for rejecting two Flaming Phoenix shots.

It’s also possible our fine opposing coach was on the run because he needed to figure out a way to get around another Saturday Superstar of ours, Tom “Don’t call me Tommy” Demeo. Young Tom blended aggressive play with controlled passing over four quarters of action. Some of that action came from fleet-of-feet Landon Lagana who refused to let too many Flaming Phoenixes rise past him. Son did Dad proud hustling as he did.

Proud makes for a good, final, sentiment. I’m proud of how the boys played. I saw plenty of things to work on of course, but I also saw as much to be pleased about. The boys are apparently listening during practices. (Kinda hard not too, because if I’m not blasting my voice, I’m blasting my whistle.) I saw several fantastic give and goes, some decent instances of trying to position oneself, and gobs of heads up dribbling, which is one of the single most important aspects to the game. A good pass can beat the fastest runner any day of the week.

Enjoy the victory. I’m on my way out the door to catch our mailman. No way is he getting his route done today. I’m got too much to tell him about the game.

Coach Lagana


Hello Strikers Parents,
by Ralph Lagana posted 08/31/2013

Some items for you to know.

Top of the list stuff:

1. Your kids are great. It's a pleasure to coach them. Really. And, while on the topic of great, it's been very nice to meet many of you.
2. We have a team name for you to shout from the sidelines. We'll now be known as The Silver Strikers! (Strikers being a term for forwards, i.e. goal scorers, in soccer.)
3. I am going to hold the optional practice coming up this Thursday. I know it's a day off for the kids but I'd like to scrimmage some more prior to our 1st game.
4. Notify me if the uniforms your child received do not fit. There's still time for me to speak with the league about ordering more. Shoes! Glad to see that everyone is coming with cleats. Cleats reduce the chances of an injury.

Middle of the list stuff:

1. The league bylaws state that every player is to be on the field for at least two, full quarters. I'm going to do my best to see that everyone gets plenty of playing time. The wrinkle to this is each child's individual stamina. Right now, I have it in my head to sub a lot in order to give everyone time on the filed and breaks to rejuvenate.
2. If any mom, dad, grandparent, or advance pet takes a striking (heh? Strikers... striking... you like?) image of one of our fabulous players, please email that to me and maybe it'll make our team site online. This of course comes with the proviso that I am able to figure out how to upload to this wonky site without involving the NSA.
3. My apologies for the many emails and text messages already. I wasn't sure if this site would notify you of practices on its own, but good ole' Hal Jr. sends out plenty of reminders all by his world-dominating self.

Rest of the list stuff:

1. Again, I remind. Thursdays are optional. We had 7 players for our first go-around and it was a lot of fun.
2. I'm learning the ropes along with the kids. I did play soccer for years, but have never coached it. More than a few of you have seen a practice already. If you see something that could be improved, modified, or dropped from the regiment, then I'm all ears. My goal is to make the kids better players but not at the expense of their enjoyment.
3. Finally, if your son or daughter is not enjoying his or her time with our team, don't hesitate to let me know what I can do to fix this. I'd hate to think that someone walked away from a sport when a simple adjustment or two could have prevented that from happening.

Enjoy the weekend,
Coach Lagana

Hello Parents of Team #3,
posted 08/22/2013

My name is Ralph Lagana and I will be your son’s coach for the fast-approaching West Hartford Youth Soccer Association season. My apologies, but this is going to be a doozy of an email. I have difficulty going from point A to point B as you’ll see very quickly.

First. Yes, you’ve read that correctly. Our team name is Team #3. Apparently, this is something that needs to be figured out prior to the start of our season, by me. I’m already stressed about writing this email, now I have to come up with and commit to a team name.

Just for the sake of clarity, here’s an example of why I’m concerned about forming a team name. My first thought was to make it something like the sarsaparilla wisps. Now, I’ve absolutely no clue what a sarsaparilla wisp is, or looks like, or even sounds like, but I do know that I would thoroughly enjoy listening to you fine and highly supportive parents as you try to scream this aloud during game conditions.  Seriously, try it now. Scream: Let’s go sarsaparilla wisps! Funny, but not without a catch, because I quickly realized that I’d have to yell something similar as coach.

Then I thought of using the name Winners. I mean, aren’t they all winners? And –even if we lose game after game after game- I could remind the boys that they are all really Winners. See my dilemma? Anyway, maybe now you understand why my stress-o-meter idles a little high at the moment.

Most of you probably could care less about my issues. (I’m not sure I even care about my issues.) You want to know more important stuff like who’s going to try and horn in on your child’s soccer spotlight. Well, here’s the competition:

Team #3’s Roster for 2013

Beau B.

Tom D.

Eashwar H.

Sam H.

Landon L.

Andy Z.

Andrew M.

Griffin P.

Kevin R

Keziah E.

Ryan W.

Other things you want to know, or so my wife tells me, as she’s the brains:

Uniforms: Yes, there will be uniforms. No idea on color. Hoping I don’t have to make that decision too. Uniforms, or uni’s as they’re called in the biz, will be distributed at the end of Friday’s practice, Aug. 30th.

Practices: We are firm for Friday practices each week from 5-6 PM (EST, in case you travel a lot) at King Phillip school. We have field # 12 reserved, which is weird because last I saw KP it was one big grassy area. My guess is that I will spend 30 minutes of the first practice trying to locate field 12 of 14. (Special Note: I have reserved Thursdays from 5-6 PM EST in addition to the Fridays for practice; and this is for a variety of reasons, which are explained later in this tome. Only Friday practice is mandatory.)

Full practice schedule is online: http://assn.la/schedule.asp?teams=283755&org=whysa.org

First Game: Saturday, September 7th, 2013 at King Phillip on field #13. (No clue where field #13 will be. I have to ask my wife almost every time where KP is located. If you see a black Subaru slowly circling KP on a Saturday, please wave me down.)

Full schedule is below and online: http://assn.la/schedule.asp?teams=283755&org=whysa.org

Soccer Philosophy: No this isn’t one of those existential deals: I kick a ball therefore I am. This is the West Hartford Youth Soccer Association’s take on why we’re all agreeing to run like mad after school weekdays and early Saturdays to a mysterious field 14 to watch our boys run in circles. WHYSA (hmm… maybe I should name the team the WHYSA’s? Go WHYSAs!) is labeling this league a skills-based league. The idea is that competition takes a back seat to learning the sport. This is why games will be on a half field (which is good to learn because originally I thought it was a shot at my size) and be played 6 on 6, 5 on the field and one goalie.

More information here on WHYSA’s grand vision:

https://leagueathletics.com/Page.asp?n=66820&org=whysa.org

Two Practices: I can appreciate that the league wants to develop the boys’ skills, but I’m unsure how to accomplish this in a one hour window each week. This is why I’ve reserved time for two practices each week. Partly this is because I know that there may be days when bad weather falls on a Friday; so, two days helps to ensure we get in at least one practice a week. Most importantly, two practices really is the best way to help them learn the game and improve. I know everyone has commitments and that’s fine. Thursday is optional. Only Friday is mandatory.

Thank you for enduring this long email. I happen to know about half of the players and parents on this list, so it comes as no surprise to them that my email is… well… the way it is.

For those whom I don’t know, I apologize for the length and -what I call- my wit.

Last items:

·         PLEASE respond to this email. I need to know that this email reached you. If you want messages to come to another email, YOU need to add the address online at WHYSA.org.
·         The league provides soccer balls, but I’d love it if the boys brought their own. I have a plan for these. The League requires players to use a #4 sized soccer ball. (12-13 oz. and circumference of 25-26 inches. You can weigh and measure or just buy one like I plan to.)
·         Remember: Friday practices are mandatory, 5-6 PM EST at KP. Thursdays are optional. No uniforms worn during practice.
·         Kids should bring plenty of water. No juice is necessary. Water is just fine.
·         If there are any medical concerns I need to know of, please email me. ( the.laganas@gmail.com )
·         Conflicts of schedule are best shared ASAP. This will help me a great deal.

More to come…
Go Wisps!
Go WHYSA’s!
Go Winners!
Go TEAM #3!

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